Second Edition: I have started editing posts from several years ago and reposting them. I am doing this for two reasons: (1) to make them more easily available and (2) to “spruce” them up a little. Enjoy!
In this adventure, think about the first and second commandments as stated by Jesus.
He answered, Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself (Luke 10:27).
The standard for loving your neighbor is set clearly as being equivalent to how a person loves themselves. Then Jesus raises the standard even higher.
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another (John 13:34 KJV).
He repeats this commandment.
This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you (John 15:12 KJV).
However, let’s think about the second commandment’s admonition to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Do we really love ourselves? Can loving ourselves be a good thing?
Paul gives instructions to husbands about how to love their wives:
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church (Ephesians 5:28-29).
It sounds like Paul believes that it is a self-evident truth that no one would ever hate themselves, at least, not hate their bodies, and rather would feed and care for their body.
Yet, a conflict arises because Jesus followers are caught between an awareness of their own tendency to sin as well as the reality of sins that they have committed. This leaves it a very undesirable notion that they should love themselves.
We will try to gain some understanding about why we have this conflict. Anyone who has any knowledge about God or even some awareness of Easter knows there is the issue of sin. With a closer look, they realize that they have sinned and are a sinner. Further thought brings up that the issue of sin is a problem for God.
If there is any awareness of the Hebrew Scriptures, they know that under the law of Moses, the Lord directed an elaborate process for animal sacrifices to address the need for forgiveness from sin before God. If a person has read even a little way into Genesis, they know about Adam and Eve’s sin and that animals were killed and sacrificed to provide a skin covering for them.
Then there is the incredible story about the advent of Jesus, His ministry, His crucifixion, and His resurrection. Clearly, it is proclaimed that the “yourself” you are supposed to love is a sinner. There is nothing attractive about this fact. Here is a clear proclamation:
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).
Then we hear this verse:
All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away (Isaiah 64:6).
Here is the problem: Since these statements come from the Bible and we believe the Bible speaks the truth, how can a person love this “yourself”?
Let’s compound the problem a little more. Remember, we are looking at the second commandment. Consider the first commandment. We are to love the Lord our God wholeheartedly, with every bit of our soul, in full strength, and with a fully focused mind. Now, what person has ever done that? Even with the best of intentions, the intensity of this commandment is overwhelming.
So, when we come to the second commandment, we are already aware of failure to fully keep the first commandment, and it is pretty obvious that the first must be the most important. This evaluation leaves everyone wondering what it is there about this “yourself” to love. And yet the second commandment is very clear.
Fortunately, Jesus settled the issue about who our neighbor is in the story of the good Samaritan. Our neighbor is anyone we come close to and to whom we could demonstrate some care. Showing care is a demonstration of love.
Reflecting back to the verse about how husbands should love their wives and the statement that nobody hates their own body, there could be a helpful clue.
Let’s consider what is known as the Golden Rule.
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets (Matthew 7:12).
This verse turns things around because we are asked to consider ourselves to be the neighbor and consider how we want to be treated. When considering how we want to be treated, we discover that we do care about ourselves. Caring about ourselves is an expression of loving ourselves. We want to be treated kindly, generously, politely, and safely. We want our comfort considered. So, in the reality of day-to-day life, we do really love ourselves. From this perspective, we can conclude that this kind of love for yourself really makes sense.
Earlier, we mentioned that the command of Jesus was to love others as He loves us. In a word, the love of Jesus is demonstrated in His sacrificing His life on the cross as a payment for sin. The benefit of His sacrifice is salvation for those who believe in Him. In this verse, we see another standard.
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends (John 15:13).
This sacrifice was done willingly by the Lord Jesus. This is what he said.
No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father (John 10:18).
Jesus also framed His willingness to die for sinners when He said this:
I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep (John 10:11).
This moves us into a segue to look at the “yourself” as a born-again believer. What does the Scripture say?
Born-again believers are loved by God. This is clearly stated in this famous verse:
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).
The gift of the one and only Son was given to born-again believers at a time when they were in desperate need, even if they did not know it.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly (Romans 5:6).
Believers have the forgiveness of their sins.
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace (Ephesians 1:7).
Believers were chosen by the Lord.
For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love (Ephesians 1:4).
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light (1 Peter 2:9)
For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you (1 Thessalonians 1:4).
In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will (Ephesians 1:11).
Born-again believers have been adopted into the family of God and have become heirs.
he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will– (Ephesians 1:5).
Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory (Romans 8:17).
The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father (Romans 8:15).
Born-again believers are in a wonderful and rich position, and this verse comprehensively states this.
For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. (Romans 8:29-30).
Born-again believers have the blessing of receiving the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit dwells in them. Believers have become a new creation and are being transformed into the image of Christ.
And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13).
Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? (1 Corinthians 3:16 KJV).
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here (2 Corinthians 5:17).
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:12).
Now back to the question. What is a basis for a person to love themselves? After looking at these verses that demonstrate the Lord’s provision for born-again believers who are Jesus followers, we come to this question. How can we not love ourselves in light of the clear fact that the Lord loves us? Can you see that we need to view ourselves as the Lord views us? To the Lord, we are very valuable. He paid a high price for us.
you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies. (1 Corinthians 6:20).
Here is an analogy that I find helpful. Think of a newborn baby. The baby arrives at a family. Usually, this is a joyful time for the family. However, the baby simply gets to be just a baby. The baby receives a name. The baby has a position in the family. The baby finds that preparations have been made for his or her arrival. The baby has a bed. The baby has clothes. The baby has food. Every need of the baby has been anticipated, and steps have been taken to meet those needs. Notice, the baby does not have to do anything, just be a baby. Everything the baby needs to survive and prosper has been anticipated and prepared.
Do babies love themselves? Everything a baby does has to do with the baby. The baby sleeps. The baby eats. The baby fills the diaper. The baby cries. The baby is all about the baby. However, the baby is completely dependent on others for survival and prosperity.
In some ways, the questions about babies loving themselves don’t make sense. The baby is okay with the way things are. Their needs are covered. What is there not to love about their lives? If something is not okay from their perspective, all they have to do is cry out to their caregivers.
Maybe we should think of loving ourselves as accepting our position and condition like a baby does. The baby doesn’t mind being dependent. Perhaps we can get some insight into loving ourselves from the viewpoint of a baby. This could be stated this way: It is okay to love who Jesus loves because He loves me.
We all know that babies are born. We all know that we were born, and we celebrate our birthday on the date of our birth. When Nicodemus came to Jesus by night, observing that Jesus must have come from God because of the miracles, he was given this message:
Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again (John 3:3)
Wow! Physical life begins with birth and spiritual life begins with birth. Jesus went on to explain:
Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit (John 3:5-8).
When a person first comes to Christ, they are referred to in Scripture as “babes in Christ”. Sometimes we call them baby Christians. This makes sense because although their “eternal life” is complete, it is new to them. One example from Scripture is found in the Corinthian believers and was actually a reprimand because they were having problems.
And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ (1 Corinthians 3:1 KJV).
What follows being born-again? Food!
Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation now that you have tasted that the Lord is good (1 Peter 2:2).
What follows being born-again? Care!
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).
Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes…. (30) and your Father knows that you need them (Luke 12:22-23 & 30).
What follows being born-again? Response from the caregiver!
…for your Father knows what you need before you ask him (Matthew 6:8).
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).
What follows being born-again? Security from the caregiver!
…And surely, I am with you always, to the very end of the age (Matthew 28:20).
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:35-39).
Notice: the answer to the question, Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? …is: nothing because we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
As we reflect back over these wonderful positional possessions that a born-again believer received upon believing in the one and only Son, Jesus, we realize these possessions are present immediately upon becoming a believer while still very much a babe in Christ. Just as physical babes contributed nothing to their positional possessions, spiritual babes contributed nothing. Just as physical babes trust others for survival and prosperity, spiritual babes trust the Lord.
Ponder this thought:
And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 18:3).
Little children are very trusting. I remember that when my children were small and I carried them around like parents do, the children were so trusting. I can remember carrying them on my shoulders. I can remember them running and jumping into my arms. I remember playing the game of holding them by their hands and swinging them in a circle. I also remember thinking that as an adult, I would never let anyone do that to me. I just couldn’t trust like that. Somehow, my children trusted that I would never hurt them. They saw me as safe. That is exactly how a born-again believer’s relationship can be and should be with the Lord. The relationship should be trusting and understood to be safe.
Now, how does this relate to loving oneself? To answer this question, we need to discard some wrong perceptions about self-love. We are not talking about the obnoxious narcissistic self-love where everything is all about the person. We are not talking about the delusion of grandeur, self-love, where the person has unrealistic and untrue views about their own capacities or importance. We are not talking about boisterous self-love where the person is forever bragging about their accomplishments or importance. We are not talking about the dramatic demonstrations of self-love that are attention-seeking. We are not talking about prideful expressions of self-love.
All of these public demonstrations of self-love are something that most people don’t want to demonstrate. So, we are left with the challenge of figuring out how to love yourself in a way that is meant by the verse. My conclusion is that the self-love of the verse is at least to some degree modeled in what we see in a baby. The baby has a settled, trusting acceptance of who they are in the family and a confidence that they are under the faithful care of others. This is a very restful place. The born-again believer is in a very restful and safe place as a child of God. There is no place for boasting or pride because everything needed is safely in the hands of Someone who loves us.
Ultimately, we must ask this question. How can we not love someone that God loves? The point is that the born-again believer’s self-love is based on who the believer is in relationship to the Lord and His Kingdom. From this awareness, it is clearly appropriate to obey the first commandment. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.
We have labored to grasp some understanding of the concept of loving ourselves. I believe that this thinking exercise is helpful both emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. To be willing to accept the truth that a born-again believer is safely accepted and kept in the Lord’s family because of the great salvation that has been given is a peaceful resting place.
However, the Lord Jesus introduced a new focus and a new standard of love for believers. This was mentioned early on in this thinking adventure. I repeat:
A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another (John 13:34 KJV).
Jesus continues by showing that obedience to this new commandment will be the testimony of the believers’ relationship to Him for the world to see.
By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another (John 13:35).
In conclusion, we listen to this verse:
We love because he first loved us (I John 4:9).
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
Adventures in Biblical Thinking 